Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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