mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
