trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
