I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
