Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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