this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Welp...herpes.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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