i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
