i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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