11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
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For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
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And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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