dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
