She said her name was "party"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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