Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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