why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
