I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
