i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
