i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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