well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
