Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
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