just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
