my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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