I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
