Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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