Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
