Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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