i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
