Ketchup is God's man juice
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
