using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am naked and annoyed.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
