I want to stick my p in your. b.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
