i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
