life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The best revenge is premature balding
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
