The maid of honor just puked.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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