I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
