I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
