They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
