She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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