I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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