You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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