apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
