I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
