Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
