yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
