he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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