the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
