also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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