This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize