I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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