I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
