im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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