just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
