What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
