you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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