Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize