I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
