Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
