She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
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I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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