You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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