She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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