I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Houston, we have a squirter
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
