I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
