We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
