i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
