If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
