Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
