Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
