I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
